xbertyx

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i can't keep smiling and pretending im fine. My lifes such a mess i dont even know what to do anymore or where to goddamn turn. Iv been used and iv been tossed to the side and forgotten by too many to people to count. Noone understands and nothing helps. Not even meditation and listening to religious icons, within a few hours everythings dead inside me again. I dont even know why im still around, noone cares and noone ever will.

...Things just aren't right. Guess they haven't been for a while either. I think when you're been known to be in such physical pain for months now, no one notices how much emotional pain you're feeling. But then again, smiling when you're not really happy is a good mask i suppose. I don't think anyone could really understand either how much emotional pain one person could be in, must take a lot when they have breakdowns every few days and can't cope. Must be bad deep down when you're trying so hard to change what you look like on the outside to make yourself proud, but that's just to mask the fact you know that you'll always be a rotten ugly